This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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