margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
