he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
