you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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