He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
