im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How external is "for external use only"?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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