Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
