I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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