im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
