Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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