She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
