During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
