Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

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(631): View more from New York

I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?

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(985): View more from Louisiana

He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm drinking too much free beer

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.

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(303): View more from Colorado

WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?

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