I wish I could teleport
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
