why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yo dont text me then not text me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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