Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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