We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
