Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
