She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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