I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
