Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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