I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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