if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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