i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
