found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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