my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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