Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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