I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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