Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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