Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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