Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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