Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
