i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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