I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
