btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
