I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
