remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
