My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
