I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
