Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
