I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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