I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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