i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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