I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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