I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So apparently I’m into choking now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
