Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
