I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize