Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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