this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
