Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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