I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
