yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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