Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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