there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
