By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
