Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
