google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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