He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
