I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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