I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
