I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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