How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
