I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Randomize
