I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
