Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
