You work out of a Hotel?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
