My liver just broke up with me...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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