Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
