I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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