dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
