imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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